Ten After-Election Tips for Conservatives

The election blew in on big tiger feet, and blew out on tiny pacifist paws.

Big news of the day: America is changing, and like it or not, conservatives have to get on with life.

As a maturing Baby Boomer, I find it difficult to accept a smaller America, a less-defensible America, a stock-market-crashed-and-heading-for-depression America. An America that accepts what government dictates, not the other way around. My points of view are rapidly becoming obsolete, it seems.

So, having  picked myself up from the shock of another four years of stuff I vehemently oppose (partial-birth abortion, intrusive and bigger government, more taxation, homosexual marriage, smaller military)…I must figure out how to get on with life.

Here’s what I have come up with so far:

1) Do not listen to or read political news for at least sixty days. Become decidedly apolitical during that time. This will help in the healing process.

2) Shield eyes from news media venues that post stock market reports. Selected denial can be helpful.

3) Take money out of 401K and stuff under mattress. Mattress-stuffed money may not accomplish much gain, but at least it won’t disappear when the stock market plunges to irretrievable lows under this regime.

4) Keep Bibles well-hidden. Freedom of religion now applies to everything except Christianity, and the Bible may be outlawed sometime during the next four years. Display a fake Koran in a couple places throughout the house in case of spot checks.

5) Think about buying a gun since they will be increasingly impossible to buy during the next four years. Consider moving to Montana, Texas, or South Dakota. Maybe Australia.

6) Learn Chinese. As our government continues to print money that is basically worthless without regard to a balanced budget  and our debt to China increases, we’ll need to know the language when they take over America.

7) When sufficiently healed, watch the documentary, 2016. Then watch it again. Share with less-conservative friends.

8) Stockpile depleted political energy reserves for the next four years. Release full force during next election.

9) Pray for Glenn Beck, as a personal meltdown seems imminent.

10) When liberal friends gloat and grin like cheshire cats, practice wide smile and compassionate acceptance, but inside hum “My Country ’tis of Thee” to assuage bitterness. This is not only reassuring, but drowns out their words.

I am hopeful these tips will help conservatives in their various stages of unbelief, numbness and stunned powerlessness. I plan to implement these tips immediately. If my readers have additional tips for dealing with the shock of loss, please submit. There is strength in shared support.

5 thoughts on “Ten After-Election Tips for Conservatives

  1. Well thought out Kerry. It’s hard for me to see the silver-lining in this election. Individual rights, special interest groups, minorities, all in the spotlight, who’s not? The majority.

    Heard today on the radio, that after Reagan gave amnesty to 8 million illegals, he got 37% of the latino vote in the next election. We conservatives must not bend to the will of the minority, we must stick to our guns and turn this country around, not upside-down.


  2. Well-written, funny and true! It is great to see you and your daughter, my dear friend Bonnie, share a passion for writing and conservative-thinking. I am looking forward to the many articles to come as we all attempt to cope over the next four years.


    • Monique, how wonderful to discover you are conservative in your values…we gotta stick together. We may have to secede at some point, and we should all get to know each other really well so we can share our stockpiles of food and water.


  3. I’m with ya honey, implemented Steps 1 and 2 after Romney’s post election speech. Step 3 was completed several months back. Have been strongly considering Step 6, except I wouldn’t move to South Dakota, too close to Yellowstone, which is about to blow. Poor Glenn Beck, he gave his all to educate and influence folks to the truth. I’m not hiding my Bible, although I know your comment was in jest! China has many languages, do we have to become fluent in all, or which one do you recommend? One step I can highly recomment, unsubcribe to newsfeed on your Facebook’s liberal friends.


    • Great tip! Unsubscribing from my liberal friends’ newsfeed for a while is a great idea!! This might go a long way in the healing of fractured ideals. You are on top of things, Nettie-poopalicious!


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