A Thanksgiving Epiphany

Relationships. Football. Fireplaces. A great family meal. Kicking around autumn leaves during after-turkey walks. I love Thanksgiving! It is, after all, about giving thanks. Something lovely and satisfying about that.

It is not about countless trips to Boscov’s, Belk’s, TJMaxx, Marshal’s, Target, Macy’s, Pier One; anxiously selecting gifts that family members may or may not want, like, or need.

Black Friday shopping-mania. Would you get in a fistfight for the New HALO game? A 42″ flatscreen? These people must really, really need this stuff to risk life & limb for it.

I have been thoughtful this year, introspective. I have come to the conclusion that I prefer Thanksgiving over Christmas, and have explored this epiphany (I really love the word ‘epiphany’) from every angle to discover why.

Stress! Spending thousands of dollars, wrapping hundreds of gifts, mailing to those that are not close by is stressful.  I understand it’s the thought that counts and all that, but hey, let’s get real here. Depending on how many people one is buying for, the temporary insanity brought about by Christmas commercials promising ‘great deals’ on everything from furby’s to flatscreens can set one’s debt-reduction goals back by five years.

After approximately 25 years of planning, buying, wrapping, I am weary. The stress of select-spend-and-wrap far outweighs the joy of celebrating Christ’s birth, and I do not understand the mercenary hoopla around the holiday. Furthermore, I am stomping my foot and saying, “Enough!”

Trying to, anyway.

I decided to introduce this theme after the Thanksgiving meal, when we were all fat, full and happy. Warm and fuzzy. What better time to elicit input from my adult kids and their families?

Apparently, this was not the time.

I was  unprepared for the backdraft of retaliation that nearly burned my face off. One daughter, the most conflict-avoidant among us, was immediately amenable. “That’s fine, Mom. Whatever you want to do, Mom. Uh, we could draw names?” She cautiously sipped her wine, glanced first at her husband, then her siblings, hoping to head off a heated exchange.

The other daughter, very opinion-forward, “That’s crazy! Why, it won’t even be Christmas. No. No. No!  That way everyone would just get ONE GIFT! What is all this about anyway? How much trouble is it really, Mom, to buy and wrap 435 gifts and put them under the tree? Just start shopping, um, sometime early summer.” Indignant glare. My son, the youngest, said, “No way, Mom. No way. This is about money, isn’t it? Isn’t it?” When I responded it wasn’t just the money, it was also the time and stress of selection and wrapping, he said, “Look, I’ll help wrap every, single present. I will.“ Indignant glare.

I was stunned, to say the least.  To have such resistance to a plea to reduce the mercenary aspect of a holiday that is supposed to honor Christ, not gifts, was disappointing. The spouse/fiancee of each of my children wisely held opinions to themselves, and found ways to extricate themselves from the table during the conversation. My husband joined them, secretly hoping our Christmas-related blood pressure levels would go down this year, unwilling to dive into the fray with his relatively new stepkids.

I tried to get a concensus, but they stood their ground. It seemed that Christmas-related uber-gifting was not going down without a fight.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy giving. It is what Christ would have me do, and it’s fun! But to go to obscene lengths because I feel  guilted into it is wrong. I was basically told, in the end, to do whatever I wanted, and that they would do whatever they wanted. I couldn’t believe it. Warm and fuzzy flew right out the window.

Change is hard, but sometimes change is necessary. The people-pleaser part of me was cringing at the Thanksgiving table during the conversation, but the Mom part of me was standing up, putting a stake in the ground. Mom wants Christmas to focus on Christ, like it used to when they were young. When we didn’t even have two nickels to rub together, and managed to enjoy homemade gifts or whatever else we could come up with. When decorating the tree, listening to holiday music, going to Christmas eve services, reading Luke 2 were enough. More than enough. When the gifts were icing on the cake, not the whole cake.

So, I am still not sure what Christmas will look like this year. I hope it will look like a group of people happy to be a family, excited to remember Christ’s birth, glad to receive whatever is given in the spirit of Thanksgiving. I hope it will not be about looking at how much something cost, or if someone got more than another. Somehow my family traditions have become more gift-centered than Christmas-centered, and I am sad about it.

This guy is not my idea of the personnification
of Christmas…just sayin’

Christmas should be about more than giving. It should be about giving thanks, too. If it was up to me, I’d combine Thanksgiving and Christmas and have a month of celebration where gifts are limited. I’d declare a TV-commercial-free month. I’d outlaw Santa Claus, as the whole ‘better not shout, better not cry, better not pout, I’m tellin’ you why’ thing causes kids to look to him as the meaning of Christmas. (Okay, you may disagree, but I have given this a lot of thought and this is my blog.) News flash: Christ’s birth is the reason for the season.

I am hopeful my epiphany will reduce the stress around our family’s Christmas. I know my kids have great hearts, and are considering our conversation. It will take them a little time to adjust, consider, and come to their own conclusions. I am confident that, as a family, we will move a few steps closer to the manger.

Happy Holidays to each of  you, dear readers! May Jesus Christ richly bless you and your family this Christmas and into the New Year!


  1. Kerry, you are not alone in how you feel about Santa. The idea of him really doesn’t sit well with me, mainly because I feel like kids quickly focus on him instead of Christ, the real reason for the season. It’s probably also easier for me to want to dump Mr. Claus when I never grew up believing in him in the first place (my parents always told us he wasn’t real); for Tolkien, however, he did believe in the jolly red fellow as a kid and doesn’t want to deprive the Peanut of him completely. We’ve agreed on a compromise (telling Peanut about SC but clarifying that it’s a nice story and nothing more) and we’ll see how it goes … hopefully the poor kid won’t end up dazed and confused! Oh well. You are so right about wanting to downsize the materialism, and I hope you are successful. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

    • Glad to hear you’re on board with the no-Santa zone thing. I, too, cross swords with my husband as he sees absolutely nothing wrong even though I have explained my position 1,234 times. So I simply stand my ground when he wants to buy a Santa ornament, or reindeer. He’s getting used to it. As long as li’l Peanut knows its a cartoon kind of fun thing and not the central deal, that’s all we can do, right? Santa has taken over the US the month of December. It’s amazing to me on Sirius XM and all mainline stations that play Christmas music, there is maybe 2% traditional Christmas songs that refer to Christ’s birth. Most of them are about the fat guy. America!! Shame on you. :~( Merry Christmas to you & Your family, sweet former neightbor!!! Hugs to Caleb and sweetie-pie.

  2. I agree that Christmas has gotten out of hand. Years ago the “older” kids in my family began the tradition of drawing names for gift giving after the Thanksgiving meal. That first year was sad, as the gift amounts were limited to, uhm, one. But the days following Christmas brought happiness as credit card bills arrived a bit lighter than previous years. Eventually we got older and dropped the gift giving altogether in favor of drinking better wine. For my own kids, they got (get) three gifts. I preached long ago: Hey Jesus got three gifts. Are you more special? Case closed on Christmas.

    • I like the better wine idea. Good point. Jesus got three gifts. I love my kids, but I have four, and they are getting married and producing progeny, which also must have gifts, etc. ad infinitum. My husband has two kids – same story. So the insanity, Must. Stop. Sounds like you have a great handle on it already. Love your blog, BTW. Have a blessed Christmas season!!

      • Thanks so much for your kind reply. I am learning and growing daily. Appreciate the feedback. Back atcha on the blog, and Chrsitmas blessings! Keep it simple and light and enjoy the eggnog, right?

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