Ten After-Election Tips for Conservatives

The election blew in on big tiger feet, and blew out on tiny pacifist paws.

Big news of the day: America is changing, and like it or not, conservatives have to get on with life.

As a maturing Baby Boomer, I find it difficult to accept a smaller America, a less-defensible America, a stock-market-crashed-and-heading-for-depression America. An America that accepts what government dictates, not the other way around. My points of view are rapidly becoming obsolete, it seems.

So, having  picked myself up from the shock of another four years of stuff I vehemently oppose (partial-birth abortion, intrusive and bigger government, more taxation, homosexual marriage, smaller military)…I must figure out how to get on with life.

Here’s what I have come up with so far:

1) Do not listen to or read political news for at least sixty days. Become decidedly apolitical during that time. This will help in the healing process.

2) Shield eyes from news media venues that post stock market reports. Selected denial can be helpful.

3) Take money out of 401K and stuff under mattress. Mattress-stuffed money may not accomplish much gain, but at least it won’t disappear when the stock market plunges to irretrievable lows under this regime.

4) Keep Bibles well-hidden. Freedom of religion now applies to everything except Christianity, and the Bible may be outlawed sometime during the next four years. Display a fake Koran in a couple places throughout the house in case of spot checks.

5) Think about buying a gun since they will be increasingly impossible to buy during the next four years. Consider moving to Montana, Texas, or South Dakota. Maybe Australia.

6) Learn Chinese. As our government continues to print money that is basically worthless without regard to a balanced budget  and our debt to China increases, we’ll need to know the language when they take over America.

7) When sufficiently healed, watch the documentary, 2016. Then watch it again. Share with less-conservative friends.

8) Stockpile depleted political energy reserves for the next four years. Release full force during next election.

9) Pray for Glenn Beck, as a personal meltdown seems imminent.

10) When liberal friends gloat and grin like cheshire cats, practice wide smile and compassionate acceptance, but inside hum “My Country ’tis of Thee” to assuage bitterness. This is not only reassuring, but drowns out their words.

I am hopeful these tips will help conservatives in their various stages of unbelief, numbness and stunned powerlessness. I plan to implement these tips immediately. If my readers have additional tips for dealing with the shock of loss, please submit. There is strength in shared support.